Feb.- May 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Baloney Haiku 112
Category: Life
Is my soul half empty
Or half full of shit
Either way get a shovel
Monday, May 19, 2008
Baloney Haiku Number 111
Category: News and Politics
Who tests every snowflake
To see that they’re all different?
Must be that CSI guys hobby…
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Baloney Haiku 110
Category: Religion and Philosophy
I get an idea in my head
“This is some great idea,” I think
I write it and it’s shit
Why does that have to happen?
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Baloney Haiku Number 109
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
My head is floating above this world
Like a lost balloon in the park…
It’s just not going to burst
Friday, May 02, 2008
Baloney Haiku Number 108
Category: Religion and Philosophy
I was raised to realize
this is the end of the world
I have a built in philosophical responsibility to tell…
Treasures are hidden in that fireball
That crossed you up
And don’t allow yourself to feel a trend
Just because you’re in it
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Baloney Haiku Number 107
Category: Friends
Strangers know things about you
Important things about your personality
They might tell you if you asked
But…
Do you really want to know
What strangers know
That loved ones won’t say
People go to shrinks and tarot card readers
To pay for things about themselves
They don’t want to know…
But…
But they know….
When you pay for knowledge about yourself
You are proving to a stranger
That you want to know things about yourself
“I validate that you know something
Go buy yourself a summer house”
Or…
You can stand on a corner with a cup
And tell strangers what you think of them
They will return the favor for sure
How much money you got in your cup?
At the end of a long long day
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Baloney Haiku Number 106- My Family’s Theater in Death
Category: Life
My Family’s theater of Death…
My mother’s knees are hurting
She can’t take painkillers for them
Because she’s on anti-anxiety medicine…
Because she’s very worried about …
The pain in her knees
This is partly why I can’t trust…
Anything I think
But why Roman Polanski
Could be a relative
In my family’s theater of death
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Baloney Haiku Number 105
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
Kids are not human beings
They are much better
Then what they’ll grow into being
When I look at my kids
And think I was that
It just isn’t possible
How do these butterflies
Turn into caccoons
And become little caterpillers
I remember learning to spell
Caterpillers was a tough word
But I loved Mrs. Crabtree
And I wanted to impress her
Back in second grade
That was right when I became…
Yep, you got it
A human being
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Baloney Haiku Number 105 -For Andrew
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
Real Estate brokers sold tickets for event:
Dreamt the Sewage Treatment Plant blew
It was a silent but deadly explosion
Friday, April 11, 2008
Baloney Haiku Number 104
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Some idea will occur to me
I’ll pause for a moment or a day
The rest of my life will be the result
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Baloney Haiku Number 103
Category: Life
How is it possible
To still be the person
That I don’t want to be
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Baloney Haiku Number 102
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
You are the only neurosugeon
Who knows where the problem is
Looks like you’ll have to operate yourself
Shave your head, mark the incision
Wait! Get yourself a mirror
That won’t steam up when the blood drains
Friday, April 04, 2008
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Baloney Haiku Number101
Category: Life
Both kids are jumping on me for an hour
Lots of laughing and tickling going on
“Do something constructive with those kids,”
The wife screams from the other room
I mention the expert doctor’s book
She gives me the hairy eyeball
“There’s a little known classic
Dr. Seuss’s ’Hop On Pop’…”
She punches me in the stomach
“Get these kids to the park, you hairy fuck”
Friday, March 28, 2008
Baloney Haiku Number 100
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
I can count on my demons to show up
They like to sneak up to my window
If I don’t see them snarling soon
I Better turn around quick…
If I know what’s good for me
Though it might already be too late…
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Baloney Haiku Number 99
Category: Friends
Hey, you figured out my life for me…
Now, if you could just live it for me
I’ll get out of your way entirely
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Baloney Haiku Number 98
Category: News and Politics
“When they fuck you up the ass
May they give you a reach around”
“I expect this when I open a fortune cookie”
Dalai Lama said this to me
In my dreams last night
We were in Chinatown at Wo-Hops
He skipped his shitty treat
Ate the orange
Left a twenty five percent tip
Monday, March 17, 2008
Baloney Haiku 97
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
I’m waiting for the teletubbies to do Godot
And then Kurosawa will direct
Barney in Realm Of The Senses
The kids will be crying their eyes out
But I won’t feel so fucking nuts…
These toddlers just got to get with it
Monday, March 10, 2008
Baloney Haiku 96
Category: Pets and Animals
I do all kinds of six step programs
I climb two steps at a time
I always liked to cut to the chase
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Baloney Haiku 95
Category: Food and Restaurants
The baby likes his cheeri-no moments…
He throws the oh’s on the ground
Then eats treasures,hours… days later
Baby laughs when I scream “Oh No”
Because ants found them before anyone else
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Baloney Haiku 94
Category: Life
“Always go to the losers, they’re more interesting,”
Jimmy Breslin knew what he was talking about
That’s why my friends, we are all gathered here…
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Baloney Haiku 93
Category: Friends
We have had intimate conversations
That resonates to this day in my life
Yet, we can’t speak to each other now
For no particular reason at all
It must be some subtle thing I’m not getting
Friday, February 29, 2008
Baloney Haiku 92
Category: Life
Life is a joke
Death is punchline
After life is encore
Reincarnation is extended run…
Am I missing anything?
Birth is audition
Puberty intermission
Middle Age… show closes?
Or puberty without wet dream
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Baloney Haiku 91
Category: News and Politics
We watch these war movies
To taste the insanity for ourselves
“Go cut your leg off and eat it”
My war buddy says
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Baloney Haiku 90
Category: Games
In my youth, I wore my alienation like a badge
I wore it out, scarred myself and finally lost it
It was a great loss that day I quit, and became a man
“I don’t need no stinking badge”
Of course…
If you’re young I recommend holding onto that badge
For as long as you can, then in twenty years give me a buzz
And I’ll accept your resignation over a cup of coffee
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Baloney Haiku 89
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
Some of you won’t start reading my stuff till I’m dead…
Even though I told you, I wrote for the living
I want to thank you in advance for kudos from the after life
I’ll be sure to comment back to you in your dreams
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Baloney Haiku 88
You have the potential to say something to me
About something I said to you
That will spark me to really understand,
What I said to you in the first place
It’s like giving a dud firecracker a second match
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Baloney Haiku 87
Category: Games
Everyday I find 10 books that I want to read
But I just have enough time to read 10 pages
No brainer: I just read one page from 10 books
I read each page as if it’s the bible
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Baloney Haiku 86
Are you ready to emerge
Into the life of open wounds
Or are you still between cuts
Monday, February 18, 2008
Baloney Haiku 85
Category: Friends
I haven’t talked or seen you in 30 years
But I kept mannerisms of yours
That other people think are completely mine
I wonder if you still do those things
Monday, February 18, 2008
Baloney Haiku 84
Category: Life
I can get lost in my research
Which is strange since…
I’m only investigating myself
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Baloney Haiku 83
Category: Food and Restaurants
Food editors need to get in there and change bible…
Knowledge is cursed, and we’re punished
For Eating nutrionally sound fruit
Sounds like a McDonald’s Rep wrote that
You can either change the fruit to a candy bar or maybe…
We can understand from the get- go the bible was about controlling people. How do you start an oral tradition of teaching people by starting with a story that says knowledge is bad?
So you’re sitting in some shitty cave or eating mud and listening to this shit when you’re a kid what? maybe, 10,000 years ago, I don’t know when the bible opened up its theatrical release.
I think maybe they want to start the story with something dramatic to get the kids attention.”These kids are out of control Moishe, we need something to make them shit their pants. We need something to keep them glued to their seats.
“I’ve been working on this story of why we wear clothes. My kids hot and he wants to run around naked. He keeps asking,’Why?’ I got this story with knowledge and fruit.”
“Fruit, leave the fruit out of the equation. It’s so hard to get these kids to eat fruit, make it a piece of meat. Don’t eat from the Donkey’s ass.
“I’m sticking with the fruit.”
“You’re making a mistake Moishe… Donkey’s ass. They shouldn’t eat from the donkey’s ass.
It would be a different world if we weren’t allowed to eat from the donkey’s ass, don’t you think?
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Baloney Haiku 82
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Two Horses and one door
Make a junkman table
Please recycle my wisdom
A plea from a junkman to buy my shit?
A smart ass trying to confuse you by talking about the other kind of horses?
A writer trying to figure out my abilities, so I don’t continue to suffer with my limitations that I think are on me.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Baloney Haiku 81
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Every morning before I put on my socks
I kind of zone out and groom my feet
It’s my zen toe picking meditation
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Baloney Haiku 80
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
Reincarnation is great for me
I can say I’ll be better in next life
And remain delusional forever
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Baloney Haiku 79
Category: Pets and Animals
The Cat jumped out the window
Clawed his way to the ground
Then flew away as a bird
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Baloney Haiku 78
Category: Pets and Animals
Every night I saw you die…
You were the guy with nine lives
Saying you were a cat with ten
Monday, February 04, 2008
Baloney Haiku 77
Category: Life
I wish my piss was acid
And I needed a new toilet
Everytime I… pissed
Somehow it would validate
The daily rage I feel
When the world likes to…
Cut my head off and…
Shit down my neck…
Ahh… sweet Mondays
I’m actually having a good day. I don’t know where this came from.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Baloney Haiku 76 02-04-08
Category: Religion and Philosophy
I only have one story to tell…
I just try to find a new way
To tell it differently each time
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Baloney Haiku 75
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
College kids come to the store:
“I’m an artist and I need a discount
On my discounted art supplies.”
“Let’s test your passion for your art
Come back in ten years and it’s yours free!”
My storage is filled with unclaimed Picasso’s
I mean assholes
Friday, February 01, 2008
Baloney Haiku 74 02-01-08
Category: Religion and Philosophy
The 3 second rule does not apply
To an open peanut butter and jelly
That falls face first on the ground
I make all kinds of brain freeze moves
That’s why there’s small cat crunchies
And other garbage in my mouth and…
Why I say some of the dumbest shit
That’s my 3 second unrule as to why
I am the way I am
